"A man isn't poor if he can still laugh."--Raymond Hitchcock Just a few funnies from my kids...
What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom at night? I give up! Go to sweep my little one!
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party? I give up! Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What lives at the bottem of the sea and shakes? I give up! A Nervous Wreck!
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? I give up! An elephant with a runny nose!
How do you start a teddy bear race? I give up! Ready, Teddy, Go!
What would you get if all the cars in the USA were red? I give up! A red Carnation!
What is green and stands in the corner? I give up! A naughty frog!
If a plane crashes half in Oregon and the other half in California, which state do you bury the survivors? I give up! Neither, you don't bury survivors!
If there was an electrical train going north and the wind is blowing south, which way does the smoke go? I give up! No Where, electrical trains don't smoke!
What has holes but holds water? I give up! A sponge!
Why did the lamp fail the class? I give up! It wasn't bright enough!
What subject was the Witch good at in school? I give up! Spelling!
The man who built it couldn't use it, the man who bought it couldn't use it, the man who used it couldn't see it; what is it? I give up! A Coffin!
How do you figure out which end of a worm is it's head? I give up! By tickling the middle and see which end laughs!
Why did the bear lay upside down in the middle of the road with his feet in the air ? I give up! To trip the birds !
What happens to a blue rock that is thrown into the red sea ? I give up! It gets wet !
How do you get a tissue to dance ? I give up! Blow a little Boogie into it !
Where do rabbits go after they get married ? I give up! On a Bunny Moon !
Where does a bunny go when its coat needs grooming ? I give up! To the Hare Dresser !
Who eats at underwater restaurants ? I give up! Scuba Diners !
What did the breeze say to trhe screen ? I give up! Just passing through !
What is the end of time and of space, the beginning of eternity and eternal ? I give up! The Letter "E" !
What is a nights favorite fish ? I give up! A swordfish !
What is the best fish to use in a sandwich ? I give up! A jellyfish !
What kind of dog always arrives on time ? I give up! A watch dog !
Why did the cat work at the hospital ? I give up! It wanted to be a first-aid Kit !
What did the sick banana tell his mother ? I give up! I don't peel good !
Why did the elephant change his socks at the golf course ? I give up! Because he had a hole in one !
What kind of dogs taste better in the winter time ? I give up! Chilly Dogs !
What nail doesn't a carpenter like to hit ? I give up! His fingernail !
What happened to Batman and Robin when they got hit by a steamroller ? I give up! They turned into Flatman and Ribbon !
When is the best time to buy a parrakeet ? I give up! When there going cheap !
What kind of license does a pharmacist have ? I give up! A license to pill !
How do you fix a broken chimp ? I give up! With a monkey wrench !
What gets colder as it warms up ? I give up! An Air Conditioner !
What do cows do for fun ? I give up! They go to the Moo-vies !
What happened to the cow who went for a drive ? I give up! He got a Moo-ving violation !
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road ? I give up! Because he didn't have any guts !
What can grow without rain ? I give up! Stones !
What can yurn without tears ? I give up! Hearts !
What can burn for long years ? I give up! Love !
What has five fingers but never moves ? I give up! A glove !
What did the girl melon say when the boy melon proposed ? I give up! We're to young, we cantaloupe !
What keys can't you put in a lock ? I give up! Piano Keys !
What kind of horse never wins a race ? I give up! A sawhorse !
What is gray and has a trunk ? I give up! A mouse on vacation !
What is the saddest tree ? I give up! A Weeping Willow ! Why did the book join the Police ? I give up! So he could work undercover ! Why was the book in the hospital ? I give up! Because it hurt it's spine ! Why does the car like this joke ? I give up! It never TIRES of hearing it ! How do pigs talk ? I give up! Swine Language ! What did the macaroni say to the tomato ? I give up! Don't get saucy with me ! What do Elves use to make sandwiches ? I give up! Shortbread ! What do you call a real funny snake ? I give up! Hiss-terical ! What do bees do when they are proud of each other ? I give up! They give each other Hive-Fivezzzzz! What do you call a Hippo that never stops eating ? I give up! A Hippobottomless ! What do you call a cricket that says one thing and does another ? I give up! A Hypocricket ! Which monkey can fly ? I give up! A hot-air Baboon ! Where do planets go after they graduate high school ? I give up! The Universe-ity ! What holiday ballet do crossbreed dogs perform ? I give up! The Muttcracker ! Why is the letter "A" just like a flower ? I give up! Because a B always follows it. Why dosen't 5 and 6 like 7 ? I give up! Because 7, 8, 9. What kind of animal hates doing laundry ? I give up! A LEOPARD, because they have lots of spots. What do pigs put into their computers ? I give up! Sloppy Discs. What kind of fruit do trees like ? I give up! PINE-APPLE. Why was the computer proud ? I give up! IT MADE AN IMPORTANT DISC-COVERY. If a gown is evening wear, what is a suit of armor ? I give up! SILVERWARE. What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night ? I give up! A NIGHTMARE. What bird is always sad ? I give up! A BLUEBIRD. What time is it when seven hungry lions are chasing you ? I give up! SEVEN AFTER ONE. What animal should you never play cards with ? I give up! A CHEETAH.
